Raising children in Emirati society..

I know that many people are going to respond to this by saying that I have no right to criticize Emiratis- that we've had enough of bad press from the likes of A.A.Gill and others and that I shouldn't be further exacerbating the negative perception of Emiratis. But certain things need to be addressed. A.A. Gill was extremely racist, narrow-minded, and prejudiced in much of his article calling Emiratis "born retired" and "fat". How that represents journalism (which is by default assumed to be non-biased and somewhat credible) beats me. But what I'm writing about today is the bringing up of children in Emirati society. My article in no way aims to portray that all Emirati children are the way the following write up makes them out to be. There are obviously many exceptions, but unfortunately the vast majority of the Emirati children that I have encountered 

are sadly not up to par with their Asian, European, or American counterparts.

In what way do I mean "up to par" you may ask. Well, up to par in general levels of awareness and 

intelligence. Emirati children are born just as intelligent as children in all other parts of the world, but for some reason, that intelligence is not tapped and that potential is not cultivated. Many Emirati children are primarily raised by maids, or nannies as the more respectful term is. The average Emirati household depends heavily on maids to carry out the tasks of cooking, cleaning the house, and raising the children.

Now I am not saying that hiring maids is wrong, in fact it's beneficial since it provides employment to people. Apart from that, it lessens a lot of the burden on the female residents of a household (which typically are the ones who take up most of the housework). The point at which having a maid becomes wrong is when the maid is left to raise the children. And by raise the children I mean wake them up in the morning, drop them to school and pick them up, feed them their meals, help them with homework, take them out on play dates, and bathe them and put them to bed. Thousands if not millions of people all over the world manage to raise their children without extra help from maids or nannies and end up doing just fine. 

What is it in the Emirati parent (or more specifically mother) which renders them unable to provide full-time, hands-on care for their children? I might be able to understand the situation is the woman is a working mother but a significant proportion of these women do not work. What is the excuse? And, why have these children if you're not willing to take care of them yourself?

The entire fault does not rest with the women. Part of the blame also lies with the fathers who must understand what being a father means in all its spheres. Childcare needs to be equally split between the father and the mother and although unfortunately this balance is far from being achieved is almost every part of the world, the balance seems to be more present in societies of the West.

This somewhat lax approach that many Emirati families take when it comes to raising their children has a severe impact on those children. Through simple interaction with non-Emirati (or non-GCC) families and Emirati ones, I have observed that Emirati children are not able to speak full sentences and do not have as extensive a vocabulary as other counterparts. Three or four year old non Emirati children tend to be able to hold a highly sophisticated conversation for their age and use a large number of words compared to Emirati children who at the ages of three and four I have noticed cannot hold up a complex conversation. (By complex conversation, I mean one that does not have to do with the present situation, i.e. playing, bathing, eating, and going to sleep).  I have tried to ask many 3-5 year old Emirati children on their opinions of cartoons, fairies, and sports game but have not managed to get much out of them apart from a giggle, a couple of words, or the occasional nod. Emirati children are just as intelligent as non-Emirati children and I find it heartbreaking to see that their potential is not being reached.

What are the reasons for this apparent inability of Emirati children to hold complete conversations? I believe that it is because those parents do not aim to talk to their children about things other than the necessary. I have very rarely heard an Emirati father or mother tell their child about general knowledge or explain to them how things work. As I walk around Dubai, I very rarely see an Emirati parent engaged in an active discussion with his or her toddler.

I am in London right now and what sparked me to write this was observing English children from the ages of three to seven ask detailed questions about wherever they were. They ask questions on the way the Tube system works and they ask complex questions about the purpose of their visit to a particular location (and often insert their own highly entertaining theories about whatever it is they're wondering about).

I recently had a few experiences with Western children that led me to question why Emirati children are not the same. I was sitting in a quiet café and at the table next to mine was an English family with two sons and a daughter. The eldest son must have been about 11, the younger one 8 and the daughter around 7. The second son wanted to go to the bathroom and the eldest son took him there- twice. I have not witnessed that in Emirati families- inevitably there seems to be a maid around to do that. And the seven year old daughter was perusing the map of London pointing out various museums and landmarks she wanted to visit and why. That same day, I made it a point to observe Emirati (and general GCC) children- obviously I found all the Emirati families on Sloane Street, or in Harrods or Selfridges.  The children were walking around with nannies or if they were with their own parents they were quiet, unspeaking, and generally aloof.

The second experience I had was on the Tube where there was an American family with two young sons from the ages of around six to eight. The parents were educating their children on the Tube system and the children were asking questions on how to understand the map. After a couple of minutes, the older child had completely grasped the Tube map and was accurately calculating stops and various lines.

Why have I not seen many Emirati children do similar things? Why have I not seen many Emirati children look forward to learning, visiting museums, asking questions? What is it about Emirati parents which render them incapable of themselves providing all the care their children require? I highly doubt that Emirati children are any less intelligent than children elsewhere in the world and I highly doubt that there is something inherent in Emirati parents which make them so reliant on nannies. If you are going to have children, you must make the mental commitment to give them your all- and be the ones to primarily raise them. And yes, raising children does include the little things such as changing their nappies. 

Why can't the average Emirati mother wake up at 6.30AM to take her children to school? Why can't most Emirati children have a fixed bedtime? Why must they stay up till 10PM or 11PM only to have to be at school the next day by 8AM? 

I would like to reiterate that this write-up is not in any way aimed to malign Emirati society, nor is it meant to generalize that all Emirati families are this way. And finally and most importantly, it is not intended to be sensationalist and to bring a negative image on the Emirati culture. It is, first and foremost, written for Emiratis to reconsider the way that children are generally raised in our society.

A change must be made in order to guarantee the progress of our children in all spheres of life. Their intelligence and their potential must be tapped, for in doing so will we work towards achieving a successful and strong future generation.